I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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