She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
