Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
try to milk me bitch
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