You can't special order awesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
