The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
