True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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