My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
