Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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