Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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