we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
operation have a gay friend backfired
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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