Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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