And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
