Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
