Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize