so let's talk penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize