And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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