Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
