I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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