got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
