Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
