dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
