Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
