I'm gonna have a badass scar
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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