After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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