what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
