Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize