why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
