i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
