What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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