I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
