You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
