Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
