She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
