i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My feet surprised me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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