Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
