I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
