just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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