so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize