By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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