Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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