Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
