i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want to have your abortion
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
