So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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