Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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