her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You may now shotgun with the bride
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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