Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
