yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
