Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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