Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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