Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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