You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
