I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
soo... how was my night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
