I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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