I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
