You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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