am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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