The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize