dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
