Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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