Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
