Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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