Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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