Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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