Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do vagina's smell?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
