she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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