the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
