I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
