I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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