she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
