By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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