it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize